


I Wish I Were Suki

by fandomgirl522



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Emotionally Repressed, Episode: s03e14-15 The Boiling Rock, F/M, Firelord Zuko (Avatar), Fluff, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Jealous Zuko (Avatar), M/M, Sukka, Zuko (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, although Zuko doesn’t know that, maiko, zukka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26784628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomgirl522/pseuds/fandomgirl522
Summary: but I watch your eyesAs she walks byWhat a sight for sore eyesBrighter than the blue skyShe's got you mesmerizedWhile I dieZukka but make it Heather (aka Zuko pining over Sokka but he’s in love with Suki).
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 92





	I Wish I Were Suki

**Author's Note:**

> Prepare for pain

_ I still remember the end of the summer _

_ Me in your parka, you said it looked better _

_ On me, than it did you, only if you knew _

_ How much I liked you. _

It was the night he lost his firebending. It’s not like he needed his bending anyways. Considering h e  hasn’t ever been a prodigious bender, he learned how to find other skills to compensate: sword fighting, acrobatics, etc. 

But he also couldn’t remember a time when he couldn’t feel the fire in his body. The heat rushing through his veins. The energy flowing to his every extremity. It was lonely. And cold. 

He was so damn cold.

He wasn’t exactly buddies with anyone in the gaang, so he chose to mope alone. He was used to being alone anyway. 

He tried lighting fire in the palm of his hand, but nothing came out but a sad flicker of heat that burnt out quickly.

There was no rage or hatred to fill his bending, so now he had to learn how to do it all again. Like how he had to relearn to trust fire when he first was banished. When all he could see was his father’s fist coming at his face and the smell of his flesh searing.

He continued to sit in the dark outside by himself, his knees huddled close to his chest in an attempt to produce his own heat. Even if the weather was rather warm because of the season, his body was still reeling from its loss. 

Footsteps behind him made him jolt his head to face the noise.

It was just Sokka.

He stared at him for a moment, golden eyes wide with vulnerability, before he snapped his head back to face away from the other teenager. 

“Are you cold?” A surprisingly soft voice asked him.

Zuko glared at him through the side of his eye, before grumbling.

“I’m fine.”

Sokka came up to sit beside him, and he tensed.

“Is it cuz of your firebending?”

He frowned. Part of him wanted to scream at the other boy to go away and fuck off, but that was the old part of him. The part he was trying to work on. So he simply nodded.

The water tribe boy got up and left, and Zuko glanced up curiously. Maybe he scared him off. He did want to be alone, but now he felt even more empty.

Just as he almost felt tears prickle his eyes, warmth surrounding him. A water tribe parka, a deep blue with white fur at the hood. He looked up at the boy who gave it to him, whose blue eyes were looking down at him. 

He felt flustered and began taking the coat off.

“Sokka please...you don’t need to...”

He responded by wrapping it around the firebender tighter, and gave him a half smile.

“No it’s fine. I haven’t needed to wear it in awhile. You need it now more then I do. Besides, you actually kinda look better in it then I did.”

A blush graced the former prince’s cheeks, and he snuggled into the soft lining of the coat.

“Thanks,” he murmured softly. 

He ignored the butterflies in his stomach that night.

..............................................

_ but I watch your eyes _

_ As she walks by _

_ What a sight for sore eyes _

_ Brighter than the blue sky _

_ She's got you mesmerized _

_ While I die _

Hearts practically shot out of Sokka’s eyes when they landed on Suki, who was down in the courtyard of the prison.

He felt like he was punched in the heart. He wasn’t sure why. Sokka was his friend, someone who was beginning to trust him. Who also happened to be really attractive. 

But seeing him practically head over heels for another person...a girl, it hurt him in an internal and deep level. He should have known there wasn’t a chance that the water tribe boy would ever even consider him as an option, but he did for the briefest of moments.

Being gay wasn’t exactly accepted where he was from, but he has always known he liked boys. And here he was, falling hard for someone who clearly would never feel the same. 

It was clear Sokka was in love with someone else, and it would never be Zuko.

..........................................................

_ Why would you ever kiss me? _

_ I'm not even half as pretty... _

_....But you like her better _

_ Wish I were Suki _

He was side by side with Suki mopping the floor in silence, both of them matching in their prison clothing. 

He couldn’t help but keep glancing over at her. 

Currently she didn’t look too happy to see him. For what reason, he couldn’t quite place it. But she seemed very vaguely familiar. 

Wherever she was from, he couldn’t deny she was perfectly gorgeous. She had perfect hair, the perfect face with bright eyes and full lips, and flawless skin. Something he could never compete with. 

He touched his scar softly with his finger, and felt jealously when he stared at her unmarred face. The kind of face Sokka would want to kiss in all its it’s porcelain glory. The kind of face he would want to touch and hold and fall in love with.

God damn he wished he were Suki.

..................................................

_ Watch as she stands with her holding your hand _

_ Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder _

_ But how could I hate her? She's such an angel _

_ But then again, kinda wish she were dead _

They were all sitting around the fire after they returned from the boiling rock, listening to Sokka recount their adventures in a rather daring and slightly exaggerated manner.

His laugh was infectious, and Zuko found himself actually smiling when Sokka continued his retelling. He was happy. 

And then Sokka put his arm around Suki and held her close, to which Suki replied with a soft smile.

Zuko felt like his heart had just shattered into a million shards, and those were jabbing at his internal organs. 

He forced himself to repress the urge to tear her out of the other boy’s arms. To not yell at her or wish she was still in prison or—

Because she was lovely person. They had fought together, and she fought well, and they escaped. 

And that was the worst part. He wanted her to be god awful so he could hate her for all the right reasons but he couldn’t. Because she was perfect and he.....he wasn’t. 

He excused himself by gathering everyone’s tea cups to wash. He stared down at the ground and evaded eye contact when he came to Suki and Sokka, who were snuggling close to one another. 

Once he was walking away to the dishwashing area, and he was facing away from the group, he let the tears he was holding in run down his face. It wasn’t the racking sobs he needed to let out, but it was keeping him from exploding. 

More tears continued to silently stream out of his good eye, while his scarred eye would let out the occasional droplet. 

He wiped his eyes and continued to wash the dishes, pushing down once again the utter misery he was feeling deep in his broken heart.

...............................................

_ As she walks by _

_ What a sight for sore eyes _

_ Brighter than a blue sky _

_ She's got you mesmerized _

_ While I die _

_ Why would you ever kiss me? _

_I'm not even_ half as pretty...

... _But you like her better_

_ I wish I were Suki  _

He pretends to play it off cool after he walks out of Sokka’s tent, and hears him whisper her name, calling to her.

He merely turns and shrugs, but quickly walks away when he feels that familiar pit in his stomach. They’re going to have sex.

Oh-

The full realization crashes down on him and he wants to sob now more then ever. Sokka really wants her, not him. Why would he anyway? He was ugly, he was undesirable. Who would want him? 

He clenched his fists and ran all the way to the shoreline, the place that always comforted him as a child. 

He collapsed in sobbing pants, letting angry tears that he had held in for weeks pour down his face. He almost couldn’t breath as he choked on his tears. 

He shouldn’t care he shouldn’t care he shouldn’t care—

—but he did. And it stung more then any burn he has had lick his skin. Any insult or degrading name or adjective he has been called. 

“Zuko?” A voice behind him practically has him jumping onto his feet. 

Aang stood there, his grey eyes wide with concern. 

Zuko buried his face in his hands in an attempt to hide his tears, even though it was quite obvious that he crying.

“Go away Aang,” he attempted to grit out, but it came out as a whimper.

Suddenly warm arms surrounded the teenager, and at first he rejected the hug, but Aang kept his embrace tight, and he cried into his shoulder.

No other words were spoken, and the only noise that filled the area were Zuko’s muffled sobs.

All the tears were from a lifetime of no one wanting him. Of a lifetime of lacking perfection in any shape or form. 

Of lacking what people like Suki had. 

.........................................................

_ Why would you ever kiss me? _

_ I'm not even half as pretty... _

_...But you like her better _

The golden crown sits in his topknot and gleams in the sunlight. The war is over. He is firelord and the avatar restored balance to the world.

For once a genuine smile graces his features as he looks upon the crowd of people. People from all nations finally living in peace and harmony. 

He searches the crowd for a familiar face, and he sees some—Katara, Toph, even Ty Lee, but his breath hitches when he meets Sokka’s blue eyes. 

They both seem to instantly notice one another, and the water tribe teenager smiles brightly and waves at him. Zuko’s cheeks turn red and he smiles wider.

The world stands still.

Until Sokka turns his head to face the person who has placed a hand on his shoulder.

Suki.

They embrace and kiss one another softly, and Zuko can once more feel the emptiness inside him tear at his heart. He turns away from the crowd and squeezes his eyes, before forcing a smile when he sees Mai approaching. 

He loves her, but not in the way he loves Sokka. 

But he is the fire lord now, and who he really loves does not matter. He needed to help rebuild the world, so he acted like he enjoyed returning Mai’s kiss, and he acted like he wasn’t still wishing he were in Suki’s place just a few moments ago. 

Suki was perfection, something he would never achieve, something he could never be for Sokka. 

And Sokka would never love him like he loved Suki.

_ I wish I were... _


End file.
